Not Fair

Turning gay was kind of a rude awakening. My Mom was right: life isn’t fair.

Once I admitted to myself that I liked girls and started viewing life through lesbian eyes, I realized how little the world represented the person I am. On TV there are nothing but hetero couples (we won’t mention that most of these couples are also white, skinny and upper middle class). Songs on the radio singing about love and sex and relationships are all boy/girl. Marriage is off-limits. And if I wanted kids, there would be a whole group of people who would be adamantly against me “corrupting” young lives like that.

When I was out with my friend and her partner the other weekend, they walked hand-in-hand while I looked on, happy for them, but also noticing the looks they got from people passing by. Judging. Maybe disapproving? Maybe not. I try not to assume what other people are thinking, since it’s not fair of them to assume things about me in return, but it’s overwhelmingly anti-gay out there in the big, bad world.

You’d think that in these progressive times that two women holding hands in public wouldn’t draw stares. But – you’d be wrong. They do. And what are they doing that’s so offensive? Loving someone? Caring for someone? Showing that affection in a way that wouldn’t even cause a first glance, much less a second glance, if one of them were male.

This is just one of the things kept me straight for so long — there’s a lot of built-in easiness to being like most of the population. Hell, even as an almost-40 single (but straight) woman I’d be less of an oddity. What I find so difficult to comprehend, though, is that there are a lot of folks out there that treat homosexuality as if it’s a choice. I mean – really? Really? Do you think that any of us would choose to make our lives this difficult? No, if there’s a choice to be made, it’s that we’re choosing to acknowledge our true self, choosing to be happy, despite the people out there that deem us deviant or abnormal or just, you know, wrong.  Not fair.


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