Black and white

That’s me.  Very little gray area from my perspective, all one way or another. For this computer geek (and the others of you in hiding out there), I think of things in a very binary way.

And I’ve really been like this most of my life, though even more defined the older I get.  Of course, being a little slow on the uptake, it wasn’t until I took this quiz from The Happiness Project about whether you were an Abstainer or a Moderator that I figured this all out.

And I am TOTALLY an abstainer.  Without a doubt.  I can see it most clearly in my dealings with food:  I can’t say that I’m going to “just have one” or otherwise allow myself a small portion of what I’m trying to quit.  I need to completely give it up.  This is how things go in my house:  Go to the store and buy ice cream, promising myself I will just have a small portion each night.  Then I go home and have a small portion.  And another.  And then decide that I need to eat the rest of it to get it out of the house so I won’t be tempted anymore.  And when I’m shopping next?  I muse, “Hmmm… I think I’m out of ice cream…I should get some more…”.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Create ice cream scoop hips.

So, I need to have a house that is utterly devoid of the food I can’t eat if I’m trying to lose weight.  I just can’t stop myself at a little bit.  Last year, I gave up sugar and all artificial sweeteners for a month.  Truth be told, it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  I allowed myself fruit and that satisfied my raging sweet tooth.  And because I was giving it ALL up, it was easy to resist temptation.  Nothing to make a “ruling” on, whether it was allowed or not.  I just couldn’t eat it.  Period.

And once that month was up?  And I was allowed to eat sugar again?  I went into it headlong, like a starved person who hadn’t seen food in weeks.  And never looked back.  All.  Or nothing.  That’s just the way I operate.

I would love to be a moderator.  To still have chocolate in the house.  To be able to say that I’m only going to have one piece of chocolate a night to satisfy my chocolate urges (because lord knows, my unfulfilled chocolate urges can make me a big ol’ crankypants) and then actually have only one piece a night. The idea astounds and amazes me.  And people who exhibit this kind of self-control?  I bow before them.

You should go take the quiz.  Like, now.  It’s easy and painless!  And fun!  And who knows – you just might learn a thing or two (but I promise it won’t hurt).

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