Still here

Despite missing my Happy Friday post last week, I’m still here.  Struggling a little, but here.

I stared at the blank page that was to become the Friday post, trying to figure out exactly what to say.  And was having a tough time keeping the bitterness and resentment out of my voice, and opted to just keep quiet.  Like my Mom always said, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.

So – a tumultuous week last week.  Many reasons, though the main one was coming out to my sister, never even imagining that it wouldn’t be easy.

She was accepting; I was counting on that.  What I hadn’t anticipated was the fact that her husband was not so accepting, and there’s now an issue as to whether or not to tell my nephew (who’s 9, by the way).  As it stands, there’s no need to for them to immediately sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him, explaining my lifestyle, since I’m not dating anyone.  But – I would hope that sometime in the future I’ll be bringing a date to family functions.  And their current stance on it is that they don’t want their son exposed to it.


So, I’m not exactly sure where that leaves us.  I had a long talk with my sister and another one this past Friday, and we are currently at odds.  I think my nephew should be told.  He’s old enough to understand and I think it would be good for him to know this about me.  I’m not ashamed of it and the rest of my family shouldn’t be either.

It’s just who I am.  Whether I like it or not (and at times like this, I don’t like it very much), I’m gay.  And they need to understand that no matter how hard they try, my sister and brother-in-law can’t keep my nephew sheltered forever.  If it’s not me, then it’ll be someone else.

I know this is just a mish-mash of thoughts rather than a coherent post, but that’s the way my brain’s working right now.  I flip between keeping so busy that I don’t have to think about it at all and obsessing about every detail of the conversations I’d had.  I realize that I don’t need resolution right at this moment and that by giving this some time, there might not even be a fight to fight at some later date. I guess I mostly don’t like the fact that I’ve got very little control over this since they’re his parents and I’ll respect their decision as long as I can without compromising my relationships.


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