Random, like my brain

Just a few things that have been tumbling around my brain recently…

  • I survived the Horribly Hilly Hundreds bike ride.  It wasn’t pretty.  Or fast.  In fact, it featured two zero mph falls before I even hit mile 9 on the course.  Luckily, things got better from there.  And now I have a lovely bloodied-up knee and bruised up hip to show for my efforts — chicks dig scars, right?  Oh, and a Culver’s paunch since their wonderful custard was being given away free at the end.  Totally made it worth it.
  • Life has been very up and down lately.  This weekend – despite the 68 miles of horrible hills – was good for me. Social, sweaty, fun, challenging. All good things in my book.  And my group of triathlete friends that I hang out with for these types of events?  They’re the best.  I can’t help but smile when I’m around them (except when I’m trying hard to have my heart NOT explode out of my chest while climbing up hills on my bike) and all the fun and laughter is exceptionally good for me.
  • On the down side, I’ve been struggling with a few other friendships. Well, not the friendships themselves, I suppose, more my expectations of the friendships.  Because I don’t currently have a significant other to shower attention on, I do that for my friends.  And part of me expects that in return, despite knowing that I probably go over the top and no sane person would act as I do. Recently, I’ve fallen into the trap of expecting too much from someone whom I know isn’t ready to give it — and I very logically know that I have to be patient, but very illogically, it’s really hurt me to not get what I want from this friend.
  • I’ve had another friend kind of on my tail to get out more, to find more lesbian activities to immerse myself in.  I think I’m starting to understand my resistance to this:  yes, I know that to meet lesbians, I need to go where they go.  But at my core, that’s not how I want to be identified. I’ve spent most of my life NOT being labeled by my sexual preference.  I was a runner, a triathlete, a student, a dependable employee. I was never explicitly labeled as “straight”.  But now I’m a lesbian and somehow that’s who I am?  I don’t want to make friends based solely on that — I want friends based on shared activities. And – by the way – I already have these kinds of friends.  Why should I get new ones?  (and yes, I realize that I’m not doing myself any favors thinking this way).

I think that’s about it.  Well, it’s not, but I could go on forever here.  And since I don’t post enough as it is, I figure I should get this out before I write a novel. And an uninteresting, bullet-pointed one at that.

What’s on your mind lately?


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