Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Albert Einstein)
By that definition, I suppose I’ve been suffering from insanity — thinking that my normal, day-to-day life would suddenly start to make me happy despite nothing having changed. I keep wanting my mundane suburb life to magically turn into something more than what it is … and while there’s always the possibility of a lightning strike, the odds are against me.
I need some sort of major change. I’ve got to turn things around, take some chances and move out of my comfort zone.
I’m not quitting my job and moving away anytime soon. My job isn’t my passion, but I enjoy the people I work with, have been there over 16 years and they make it possible for me to live very comfortably. My job is my golden handcuffs, in some respects, and I’m not willing to break out of them yet.
So, I thought, what’s the next best thing? Moving to the area to where the gays are, right? Sure, I have a mortgage on one home that I’m renting out. And another mortgage on this new townhome that I’m in. But, what’s to stop me from renting an apartment in the city for a short while? (this is where those golden handcuffs come in handy…)
The idea initially seemed crazy — just throwing money away. But the more I thought on it, the more it started to appeal to me. I’m not one for night clubs and bars — and because I’m a suburbs girl, that’s all the city is to me. What I really need is to exist on a day-to-day basis in a place where my normal routine makes it possible for me to meet other lesbians. Grocery shopping, going to a coffee shop to read or work, heading to a local wine bar for a week-night drink … this is actually what my life is like. And this is the kind of life that lived in the suburbs will likely yield nothing in the way of meeting people like me. But if I do these same things in the middle of Boystown? Now that holds potential.
Knowing that if I didn’t act immediately that I’d probably chicken out, I reached out to a good friend, S., who’s a real estate agent (and also gay) … she doesn’t work at all in the city, but I knew she’d be able to point me in the right direction. And then she totally amazed me (and – if I’m being honest – made me cry) with an immediate email response telling me in no uncertain terms that she thinks it’s a great idea and that she’s going to do everything she can to help me out.
I’ve been feeling like I’ve been drowning … asking for help, but not really getting it. And with S’s email back to me, I was given a lifeline when it seemed like no one else noticed that I was struggling. It’s funny, because her and I were close once, but kind of drifted apart and haven’t been close in a long time. Reaching out to her was a longshot, but she came through on a level that was more than I ever expected. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like someone cared that much.
And S. wastes no time! She’s been on the MLS looking at listings, emailing other agents, talking to her friends who do live in the city to find out the best place for me to be. She’s pushing forward when on my own I might otherwise be too scared to even start researching the idea. She’s exactly what I need right now. And her unwavering support is more than I could ask for.
Just when I could barely see a way out, she’s come and rescued me. And I don’t know that she even comprehends what a big deal this is to me (even though I’ve told her).
Life just got a little bit more exciting. I don’t know that I’ll go through with this — it would be a very expensive experiment — but I’m looking forward to this new kind of crazy insanity.