…while I rant for a bit, would you?
A little background: my roommate K had been in a year-long relationship with a girl who was not my favorite person ever. Actually – on her own, while we had absolutely NOTHING in common, she was nice enough. But, I hated the way she treated K. Case in point: her ability to sleep with many, many people while still proclaiming “they don’t mean anything to me!” and “you’re the one I love!”. And when K is with the GF (now ex, kinda), she seems to lose all understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around the (ex)GF and treats me kind of cruddy. Just my $0.02, of course.
So – last night. They’ve been broken up for a few months now, though still occasionally sleeping together and “hanging out”. Last night, K tells me that the (ex)GF is coming over to drop something off. This is the conversation we had, verbatim:
Me: Is she staying over?
K: Absolutely not.
K (turning to look me in the eye for emphasis): No. Absolutely not.
Me: That makes me glad – you guys are loud when you’re up there (note: K’s room is right above mine).
So, what would be the logical conclusion to that conversation? That the (ex)GF isn’t staying. Right? You with me here?
It’s 10pm. I’ve been in bed for awhile, just about asleep, and the (ex)GF makes her entrance. Instead of just handing off something, they immediately go upstairs — not surprising. They’re talking… which I can hear. They’re doing … something… which is irritating the dog, since I can hear her stalking around. I give it almost 45 minutes and then head to the basement couch, thinking, “Well, she’s not staying so I’ll just doze here on this uncomfortable couch until she goes home”.
Around 11:30pm, they come barreling downstairs. I think, “Finally! I can go to bed!” and start gathering my stuff. But – instead – my roommate goes out the back door with the dog. The (ex)GF goes out the front door on her own. And within 5 minutes, they’re both back and loudly heading upstairs.
I think,”Hmm… they must not be done talking. I’ll wait down here for her to leave since I won’t be able to fall asleep in my own room with them talking.”
At 11:50pm I have a coughing fit and head up to my room to get a cough drop. She’s still not gone.
12:15pm rolls around and I’m totally not sleeping because I’m uncomfortable (and utterly irritated by this point) and so I head out for a walk in the cold. Apparently the dog heard me go out and when I come back, barks loudly for awhile to greet me. Good dog.
This is the highpoint of my night.
My roommate’s slamming door tells me she doesn’t agree.
I check my phone — we have an agreement that if someone is staying over, we will explicitly let each other know. Usually K will text me, knowing that I keep my phone off for texts at night — it won’t wake me up if I’m sleeping, but will let me know as soon as I’m awake — and there’s no text from K telling me that the (ex)GF is staying.
Now, logically, I know she’s staying. The house is fairly quiet. But still – they could be up and talking – I wouldn’t be able to hear that from my spot in the basement. Or, if not talking now, then later on at night (Thanksgiving night they kept me up until almost 4am with their on-and-off again conversations) which would wake me up.
So, there I am in the basement, attempting sleep. Karma being what it is, because I disturbed the dog I’m now her keeper for the rest of the night and get to share the uncomfortable couch with her, making sleep even less likely. I get maybe – optimistically – 3 hours total…4:40am comes early when one is up to shenanigans all night. I wake up in a foul mood, my day already spoiled. Which is probably my own fault.
Looking back, I should have immediately told them that they were being loud and to quiet down, please. That probably would have either made them quiet down, or – if they didn’t – totally given me the high ground since I would have asked politely before getting mad.
I will say this: because I knew I could fall back on the “you told me she wasn’t staying” thing, I didn’t exactly make it my priority to be quiet. Yes, I engaged in a little passive-aggressive warfare. If they can’t be quiet for me, why should I be quiet for them? Mature, right?
I get that my roommate is probably pissed at me for how I handled the situation. I’m guessing that despite me not being informed that the (ex)GF was staying (and, in fact, explicitly told she wasn’t staying), she figured I’d make that assumption and should have been quieter.
Anyway, it’s the day after. No apology text from K, which means she’s definitely mad at me. And I certainly haven’t texted her, since I can’t seem to get this bit of nastiness out of my system either and don’t want to start a full-out war because of something that, in the grand scheme, isn’t all that important.
Yea, I get that part, too. That I probably overreacted.
And that if it had been anyone other than (ex)GF it’s possible that I would have behaved more adult-like.
The resolution of all this should be interesting. We’re usually pretty good at talking things out pretty soon after they happen — neither of us wants something to escalate into more than it’s worth. Still, in my head, the conversation we’re going to have is heated and not ending well because it starts and ends with me doing a lot of accusing and not being nice.
What I’m hoping for? That all those conversations die in my head. That once confronted with this flesh-and-blood person who I love and really want to keep as friend and roommate, that I’ll do the compromising and apologizing that I need to do. And also? That she does the same. She hasn’t let me down yet in this kind of situation, so here goes nothing.