Beware of the monster

I think I might need to have some sense slapped into me.

Any takers?  No?  Well, that’s a nice surprise.

(though, perhaps that’s another reason why I prefer to remain anonymous to my friends and family… they would be all too happy to oblige).

And now I need to hurry and write this before my mind fogs over again.  Wanna know what crazy ass decision I made?  I’m giving up caffeine.  Yup.  Not quite cold turkey immediately, but from about 500mg a day, down to just 35mg a day (and that’s only until I’ve enjoyed every last one of the Diet Pepsi’s still in my refrigerator — then I’m done completely).

What makes this even more fun?  I’m totally PMSing.  And I’m one of those women who give PMS a bad name because I’m so difficult to deal with.  I’m all mood swing-y and irritable and on the verge of crying at all times.  Oh, and completely irrational!  Sometimes it’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience and hovering over my body, hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth and thinking, “Oh, lordy, she’s really lost it this time, hasn’t she…”.

What possessed me to take on giving up caffeine during what is already an incredibly challenging week (and when I say “challenging”, I mean everyone around me wants to kill me, or least duct tape my mouth shut)?  Seems to me this might not be the best decision I’ve ever made, for me or the people around me. But I’ve been having trouble sleeping — both falling asleep and staying asleep. My brain just doesn’t want to stop with thoughts that are less than helpful (let’s just say that my brain produces some very colorful conversations) and I have to try giving up caffeine to see if that allows me to quiet the voices.

But here’s what I figured:  I’m a cranky, irrational, teary-eyed bitch during PMS.  No one should even NOTICE that I’m going through caffeine withdrawal at the same time, right?  Or even if they did, would be too scared to ask anyway.  I’m right, right?  And from my point of view, I get terrible hormonal headaches/migraines during PMS, so I figured adding a caffeine withdrawal headache to the mix would make it more miserable, but at least it would be compressed into just one week instead of spread out over two.

Makes perfect sense, right?  Or at least, it makes the kind of sense that a woman in the midst of raging PMS makes, I suppose.

I’m now on Day 4 of this little adventure, and am suffering greatly.  Oh, woe is me!  Seriously, though, it’s a non-stop headache, nausea that comes and goes, and it feels like I’m moving through oatmeal, both physically and mentally. Word on the street is that I look funny when I’m thinking or answering a question, as if I can’t quite put a coherent thought together.  And – the un-funny part – the word on the street is totally right.  My theory that no one would notice?  Um, yea.  Not so much.  Every person I’ve come in contact with has asked me if I’m okay.  And then it’s all I can do to answer without scratching their eyeballs out for being so insensitive (see how the irrationality pops up like that?).

Now, just tonight, I feel like the headache might be easing just a tiny little bit. But, I’ll take even just a little bit of easing every day of the week and twice on Sunday.  Certainly beats what happened to me this morning:  as the owner of my company was trying to have a conversation with me, I had to interrupt him, excuse myself and the SPRINT to the bathroom to throw up.  At least I made it to the stall in time.  I sure do know how to make an impression, don’t I!

I’m proud of myself:  I haven’t strayed from the plan yet.  I get my one Diet Pepsi per morning (like I said, until I’ve emptied the fridge) and that’s it.  I was tempted today to take a little extra to help, but figured it might help me today, but would just prolong this gawd awful process.  And every single person around me certainly doesn’t want that!

With any luck, there won’t be too much collateral damage by the time I’m done with this whole process, because between the PMS and the lack of caffeine, let’s just say that I’m an enemy-making machine!


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