Surprise, surprise… a real, honest-to-goodness psychiatrist thinks I’ve got issues.
The appointment itself was anti-climatic, as my the few remaining logical brain cells in my head knew it would be. It was a typical review of all my symptoms, a little bit of crying on my part, a little bit of “there, there… it’s okay to cry” on her part. A little back and forth, a few probing questions so she could form an opinion, and I walked out of there with a prescription for an anti-depressant. Voila! As easy as that.
The doctor told me that it would be about 2 months before I started getting anything positive from the drugs, and first I would probably have 2-3 weeks of side effects to slog through. Nausea, headaches, diarrhea … standard fare for this type of medication. She told me to be patient, to bide my time… basically, hang in there until the effects of the medication kicked in, and to not lose faith that there was hope out there.
I’m ramping up on the medication — half dosages for a week to ease some of the side effects — and then it’s just a waiting game. My first 3 days have been tolerable: vague nausea and a slight headache that comes and goes.
All I know is that I have the meds, but it’s sort of just been business as usual — it hasn’t really sunk in yet, despite the potential ramifications, both good and bad. It’s another pill to take in the morning, but without any immediate effects, it’s like nothing has changed. I don’t feel a victory for having done what I did, nor do I feel troubled because I “gave in” and stopped trying to fix myself. Honestly, it’s almost more of an “eh, who cares?” reaction on my part. Perhaps depression does has some upsides?
Perhaps I need to view this as simply the next step in me stepping back in and taking charge of my life. Certainly, I am making headway: I’ve spent the past 5 weeks eating healthier, dropping some excess weight and going through spurts of training. And now I can tack on the fact that I made — and went to! — a psychiatrist appointment and started on some medication that has a shot at bettering my quality of life.
Little steps, small changes … but moving … somewhere … nonetheless.